Stream of consciousness I

Just using this title to justify this vague piece of writing that I’d written a long time ago..————-

I’m sitting on the train, thinking of all that came your way and my way, and the way we reacted to it all. What it did with us.. how it made you hate love and friendship, deeming it all in vain and fake. I wish to show you my love, and I know you do appreciate. But sometimes it feels like I’m swimming through waves. You hate the whole world for what some of them did to you, so they all hate you in return. I feel like one trying to fight a thousand soldiers of hate, prejudice and indifference. I want to show you that I care, but too often you’re told you’re worthless.

I wonder who is worth less?

You or they or I? You are so full of personality, you hate with passion and if you deemed anyone worthy you would love them too, like those who deceived you before and sometimes you show me love when I ask you specifically. You leave me with words whereby I can define you well, you are you and he is he and she is she. Whereas for me, I often think I don’t exist at all, I’m here to make you feel you, to make you feel real. Who will make me feel so?

Oh well, I’ve strayed too far again, I know you don’t like things that don’t make sense, things that aren’t real. Love is real, hate is real, loneliness is real. But above all that pain is real, nothing has ever felt more real to you, but..

Do you think that one can exist without pain?

That one would be allowed to? No way. If it isn’t love pain, then it will be hate or loneliness or you name it. Some choose for non-existence over pain, like you wish and wish you had the courage every day. Don’t be deceived, souls do not die. Do you think a soul does not feel pain? Or did you make yourself believe that souls die along with the body?

Do not be deceived.

While you may kill your body who can kill your soul? Who blew from His soul into the body of your forefather? Do you think He will allow it to be destroyed by the hands of a creature made from earth? He will never allow that to happen.

I wish I could show you the way, spare you from all this pain. My heart cries for you, and for all of your likes who think they’re alone. But pain is the only way to guidance, if love can’t bring you back,pain will. And if you hate it, I’m sorry to say that there’s no other way.


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